I've been lurking on the forum and browsing the YNAB site to see if it will work for me/us. I've decided I need a bit of perspective before I dive in.
I'm a SAHM with no income of my own. MY DH is sole earner and I spend from the joint account for all household expenses. I do 95% of shopping/bill paying.
Until now, I've been spending freely, with no budget. I do not have access to online banking so do not actually know the ins and out of our accounts. I do know we are currently topped out on our overdraft and also have maxed our 1 credit card. We rarely discuss finances apart from my DH telling me to "stop spending money."
Things have come to a head and I have been told we will most likely not be going on the holiday I have been counting on (yearly visit to family overseas). Regarding this, he said we can do more "fun" things if I stop spending money. I decided to approach him to discuss our finances and come to some way of managing them and getting out of our debt. I found YNAB and think it could really help us/me.
My DH, however, is resistant to even discussing the nitty gritty of our accounts/finances. He sees my spending as the problem that needs solving. His solution is to stop me from using the joint account with its "safety net" and for him to pay a certain amount into my personal account monthly. His idea is I will pay for household expenses like clothes and groceries, anything to do with the children and my own "entertainment". In reality, I am currently responsible for more than that, but he would like to restrict my remit, claiming I will then have money to "do with how I like".
I see this exclusion from the joint account as an exclusion from the partnership. I was hoping become more involved and to work together towards financial balance. DH's concern is that he would like to take more control of finances and the only way he see that happening is by limiting the amount of money I have access to. He's quite happy to write a check and forget about it. He says he doesn't care what happens to the money once it's in my account.
It's quite an emotive and stressful issue for me, so I'm not sure if I am being unreasonable or not, but the personal account vs joint account thing really stings. He thinks I should be happy with this arrangement as he says I will have complete control over those funds. I see it as exclusion and a lack of trust/confidence.
So, am I being oversensitive/overcomplicating things? Should I just take the deal, apply YNAB to my mini finances and get myself into good spending habits and budgeting? Maybe YNAB isn't for that scenario, as it's artificial. Or should I stick to my guns and try to get my DH to see me as a partner not just a drain?