DH is now gazelle thanks to YNAB

YNAB has propelled our progress in the few months we've been using it.  It trained us to stay on budget in each category (the tool we used before didn't "care" if we had negative budget categories.  We would live like that carrying negatives forward until we would finally have to dip into savings to bail ourselves out.  It was cc free but it was slowing us down.  YNAB really changed our thinking; it's an amazing process to work though.

It also did the one thing I needed most.  I love and adore DH.  He's my hero.  He's the guy who sees the big picture and he's a great leader.  He doesn't enjoy the details though.  I do so naturally I'm the bookkeeper.  I've always asked him to sit with me while I post transactions (cause otherwise I'd be day trading the mortgage or something.  I just need accountability and I need him to know what's going on with our finances.)

Unfortunately, that put me in the role of being budget police.  I hated that role and I wasn't good at it.  My strengths are in helping and supporting.  I don't have a dominant personality and I don't enjoy bossing people around. 

We have a blast when we're out together.  Neither one of us is a huge spender but you can still die from a death of a thousand cuts.

I noticed he was paying a lot more attention with YNAB.  As an engineer, he's used to looking at budgets from work.  Now we had great reports and he loved seeing money piling up in the future months.  That part really surprised me.  I never noticed that acumen before but it makes sense now.  He just didn't have the tools to see how our money was shaping up at home.  Because I was picking up on his new interest with YNAB, I started asking him to update YNAB from his phone when we were out.   If he asked if we had money in a category, I'd just yawn and ask him to check his phone.

This got him engaged.  It was always "our" budget and "our" money but he really didn't feel ownership.  YNAB made it become his in a personal way.  He started seeing he had money that was his own and he didn't have to ask his wife for permission to spend it.*  He also saw categories growing as we stayed on budget and realized that would spread to the fun categories too.

I didn't think he was interested in personal finance or budgets but I was wrong.  This has empowered him and drawn him in.  He sees that I honor the budget so as we make plans together, they are respected and followed.  We never had that sense with other software.  It was too easy to slack so we slacked.

I am so happy to be out of the business of controlling our money.  We budget together and we post transactions together.  We reconcile together (I just check our online account while we hang out together in the evening.  It takes 5 minutes tops.)  Then YNAB does the controlling.  YNAB is the budget police.  YNAB gives us the tools to check how much we can spend whether we're at home or out and whether we're together or alone.

This has been as life changing for us as attending Financial Peace University.  FPU gave us the vision and the motivation.  YNAB gave us the tools.



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Comments

  • hammeruphammerup Posts: 265Member
    Great story! Being on board together will pay off big time!
  • financial_momfinancial_mom Posts: 109Member
    Thanks! I realized (posting on someone else's thread) that your efforts don't just add but they multiply when you're united.  I'm sure that's a quote that should be credited to someone famous but I can't remember where I heard that.
  • liandorliandor Posts: 275Member
    Fantastic! Great couples story
  • MeeBo635MeeBo635 Posts: 34Member, Beta Tester
    I was in exactly the same boat as you, and I just love YNAB for changing the dynamic of my marriage. My husband was always saying. "Why are we so broke?" but never willing to sit down and really understand where the money was going. YNAB made it so simple and easy for him to engage, and it allowed us to start having conversations about our priorities and our financial future. So glad it is working the same for you!
    jessiebirdSemirhage527lydia
  • juliebeannnjuliebeannn Posts: 4Member
    this is awesome.  i'm still feeling like the nag in our relationship, asking DH to log his purchases and stuff.  but baby steps.  at least he's receptive.  i hope he gets fully on board soon. 
  • Semirhage527Semirhage527 Posts: 1,494Member, Beta Tester
    Great post!  The impact it's had on our marriage is my favorite thing about YNAB too.  I'm lucky that we never fought about money before, but I felt the pressure of keeping us on target all by myself because I just didn't know how to involve DH in the process.  Looking back I realize that's because most of my "decision making" was guesswork, and finding a way to involve him would have also meant admitting to both of us that I had NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!!!!

  • financial_momfinancial_mom Posts: 109Member

    this is awesome.  i'm still feeling like the nag in our relationship, asking DH to log his purchases and stuff.  but baby steps.  at least he's receptive.  i hope he gets fully on board soon. 
    Julie - consider showing him reports of the progress being made in an encouraging, upbeat positive way.
  • chunkdunkchunkdunk Posts: 9Member
    Love love love this story!!!!  I can completely relate to this!  I was always the budgeter and in charge of household finances, my DH just wasn't that into it.  I have tried for the past 9 years to get him to sit down with me each month with no luck.  I had even threatened him with having him take over the finances which was no good either.  Now we sit down for about 10 minutes (if even that long) when money comes in, delegate it out to categories and we track everything with our mobile apps.  Brilliant!  He's 100% on board which is SUCH a RELIEF!  He can now see where we stand with our goals at any given point in time.  
    financial_mom
  • financial_momfinancial_mom Posts: 109Member
    chunkdunk said:
    Love love love this story!!!!  I can completely relate to this!  I was always the budgeter and in charge of household finances, my DH just wasn't that into it.  I have tried for the past 9 years to get him to sit down with me each month with no luck.  I had even threatened him with having him take over the finances which was no good either.  Now we sit down for about 10 minutes (if even that long) when money comes in, delegate it out to categories and we track everything with our mobile apps.  Brilliant!  He's 100% on board which is SUCH a RELIEF!  He can now see where we stand with our goals at any given point in time.  

    chunkdunk said:
    Love love love this story!!!!  I can completely relate to this!  I was always the budgeter and in charge of household finances, my DH just wasn't that into it.  I have tried for the past 9 years to get him to sit down with me each month with no luck.  I had even threatened him with having him take over the finances which was no good either.  Now we sit down for about 10 minutes (if even that long) when money comes in, delegate it out to categories and we track everything with our mobile apps.  Brilliant!  He's 100% on board which is SUCH a RELIEF!  He can now see where we stand with our goals at any given point in time.  
    It's amazing how it works!  I think old school budgets told him what he couldn't do and YNAB tells him what he CAN do.
  • Travel_BudgetTravel_Budget Posts: 600Member
    chunkdunk said:
    Love love love this story!!!!  I can completely relate to this!  I was always the budgeter and in charge of household finances, my DH just wasn't that into it.  I have tried for the past 9 years to get him to sit down with me each month with no luck.  I had even threatened him with having him take over the finances which was no good either.  Now we sit down for about 10 minutes (if even that long) when money comes in, delegate it out to categories and we track everything with our mobile apps.  Brilliant!  He's 100% on board which is SUCH a RELIEF!  He can now see where we stand with our goals at any given point in time.  

    chunkdunk said:
    Love love love this story!!!!  I can completely relate to this!  I was always the budgeter and in charge of household finances, my DH just wasn't that into it.  I have tried for the past 9 years to get him to sit down with me each month with no luck.  I had even threatened him with having him take over the finances which was no good either.  Now we sit down for about 10 minutes (if even that long) when money comes in, delegate it out to categories and we track everything with our mobile apps.  Brilliant!  He's 100% on board which is SUCH a RELIEF!  He can now see where we stand with our goals at any given point in time.  
    It's amazing how it works!  I think old school budgets told him what he couldn't do and YNAB tells him what he CAN do.
    @financial_mom well said, I think you got it in a nutshell, old school really showed what was out YNAB shows the possible.
  • financial_momfinancial_mom Posts: 109Member
    Did I really quote you twice?  Sorry!!!
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